I think I love him, and I wish that I could say that to him.

It's so strange to have it feel similar to what I've felt for Taran.

My Name.

My name is being called again.

It's a strange sensation that I can hardly describe. No one is calling my name in the physical world nor from beyond the veil but yet I still hear something. Whether it's from somewhere that was in between the two realms or possibly somewhere deeper, I am not sure. I do know that I am the only one who can hear that someone calling.

I also know that none of my kind can follow me to this place that I find myself wandering into. Every night, late in the evening when the moon is at it's highest is when it begins and I can't help but be drawn to the sound. Even in the depths of my sleep I'm pulled into a level of semi-consciousness to find myself walking in the darkness.

I am walking again in a void of darkness. The ground is cool and smooth against my bare feet as I walk in search of who is calling me. As I walk it feels like I'm a little star among the night sky. Everything is so dark yet I can see myself perfectly; my hands and feet, even the dress that I am wearing. But I don't see anything in the void despite how much I walk.

Normally, I eventually wake up completely slipping back into reality before I can find anything or anyone. However, tonight is different. The darkness fades away and I find myself stand in the middle of a forest with the sun shining brightly above the canape of thick branches and lush leaves. I flickered my eyes around to observe the new surroundings; it was strange to be in the sunlight. Every time I travel, even during the day, I find myself when the sun is setting or the starry, moonlit sky has claimed night.

Cautiously I walk forward again through the line of trees. The grass is soft, not irritating my skin like I would expect. The forest is quiet with no signs or sounds of life. I can't hear the voice anymore and concern grows inside my chest making it feel tight. I am unsure of where to go next. I stop near a tree curling against the bark, glancing around the area. 

Finally there is movement.

Someone is walking through the forest heading in my direction. The steps are silent as if there person walking isn't making a sound but I can see them coming closer and closer. But the closer they get the more uneasy I get. They way that the moved seemed... not human; too still, too quiet but yet has effortless grace. I all ready know, I don't have to guess. Their appearance is that of a male form with long, straight, snow white hair with most of the locks tied back loosely while the rest hangs in front. Even from the distance I can see the piercing ice blue orbs for eyes. I hold my breath when he nears, waiting for something to happen but he walks past me as if he doesn't see me. For a moment, relief washes over me but all that evaporates when he pauses from his stride as if he just processed my presence.

He turns his head and stares at me, unblinkingly. He knows. "You."

I try hiding myself behind the trunk of the tree despite knowing that the tree would serve me no protection. I want to run but I all ready know he would catch me easily enough. My kin nor my kind will hear me call for help. I'm all alone.

He steps forward in my direction. His face is stoic not revealing any emotion but his eyes are raging like a fierce ice storm. "You are trouble." With a flick of his wrist, he all ready has his slender fingers wrapped tightly around an elegant dagger. "You don't belong here and you certainly aren't going to create such an abomination," he growls the last word heading straight for me. Instinctively I bend down, eyes clutched shut and my hands covering my head expecting to be struck and writhing in pain. Instead I hear the sound of metal meeting metal.

Hesitantly I peer open my eyes to see him standing in front of me, his body being a shield against the one with the white hair. "That's enough," he growls towards the attacker who instantly backs off. His expression is not kind and filled with angry but he doesn't speak. He tosses away the dagger, giving one final side eye look before walking again through the forest as if nothing happened.

I could see the muscle slowly relax once the attack was far enough away before he turned around to face me. It's him again... the angel that exists but doesn't exists. His thick mane looks like the wind ran a hand through it and put it in a ponytail resting against the middle of his neck without trying to tame the mess.He bends down to meet my eyes level; his golden brown eyes boring into mind. I can easily see the reflection of his personality in them: mischievous with a bit of arrogance but sparks of a caring nature flicker through. Lightly the tips of his fingers skim my cheek. "Are you all right?"

I swallow and nod. "Yes."

Even now, he feels like he is really here. This realm is not the other world and is most certainly not reality. He doesn't exist in either, yet here he is.

He grins, wide and full. "You've finally walked into the light."

Lately I've been standing in the middle of darkness with the starry night sky above. The ground below is only a shallow level of water reaching up to my ankles. No grass, no trees, no plant life, just water.

I do not move from my spot, only numbly watch as a single drop hits the water causing ripples to spread out in gentle waves. Once the water steadies and returns to its unmoving form, another drop falls.

I do not question where the drop of water comes from nor do I focus on the water's reflection.

Why am I here?

Am I suppose to look into the water's reflection?

What am I suppose to do?

Fighting For Our Happiness

I could see the scene unfold before me; standing there as an invisible participant in the background.



The tall, dark wooden doors were thrown open and she stormed through. Her normally free, flowing pale blond locks were twisted together in a long braid with strands of her bangs and side burns free to frame her angular face. Though her hair tied, her white gown flowed behind her with it shimmering a silver sheen in the candle lights. Her hands were curled into fists and her eyes narrowed into a furious glare, the color paling to the blue winter skies rather than the normal calm cerulean color.

She instantly observed the scene when she stormed in, her voice ringing loud and clear through the throne room. "Stop!" She came closer to those all ready in the room. There were three visible occupants but she knew at least two more where hidden in the background somewhere. One was on the ground, holding himself up with an arm while wiping blood from his mouth with his free hand. He was staring up at the man who punched him down; the man stood tall dressed in a full set of armor and his entire body language screamed to not mess or question him. The last one stood back away from the violent encounter, watching silently making no move to stop the two men.

The towering man took a step forward but the young woman shouted at him again. "I said stop it father!" Mervyn paused, finally taking note of his daughter. He was indifferent towards her anger, as he always has been when she challenged him.

"Aran-" She ignored the man on the ground, standing in front of him in a protective manner. "I wouldn't stand by and let you hurt him just because you do not approve of our relationship," she snapped towards her father.

She was furious; she knew he didn't approve of Taran but this was going to far. She couldn't sit back knowing that he was hurting Taran and probably had in mind of possibly killing him right there on the spot. She wouldn't put it pass him; killing Taran would easily take care of his "problem." He was a loving father but that didn't mean he could be cruel and merciless when he decided to be.

This time it was Mervyn's turn to snarl at her. He's tall stature and aura was intimidating; his eyes were a pale, intense blue that made want people to look away. Short, black locks and his navy blue clothing contrasted against those light eyes making them even more intense then they all ready were. "I've dealt with your desire not to be married in arranged marriage Aran but this is going to far. He is not of your status let alone worth your time. He's a mongrel!"

She could hear Taran growl at the insult but she spoke before he could speak up. "That is not your concern. It's my life and I shall decide what I will do with it like I've told you before. He's still gentry-"

"Someone's lap dog," Mervyn intervened with a mock of a laugh.

Aran gritted her teeth for a moment, angry that he interrupted her. "Enough of this. You're going to have to approve of him, whether you like it or not."

"Really? And what makes you say that so confidently."

"Because I'm pregnant."

As the words escaped her mouth the entire room went still and silent. She watched as her father's anger disappeared with a blink of an eye, his eyes wide with surprise and tense muscles relaxed into a limp position. It was as if he had been slapped in the face. She could see her brother, who was standing off to the side, reflect the same shock but he kept flickering his gaze between the three other occupants of the room, waiting to see who would speak first. She could even feel Taran's surprised eyes behind her, no one had known.

Mervyn slowly backed up until he was sitting comfortably in his throne, not breaking his stare on her.

"If you do not approve, or even kill him, then you will have to deal with a child asking why they don't have a father. Where the father is, who he is." Aran stared unwaveringly at her father, watching him mule over and ponder over her words. She knew he considered family to be important; he remembered us loosing our mother at a young age. She was still around but forced to be somewhere she didn't want to be. Her very argument of not wanting to be in an arrange marriage. To be chained down to something or someone she didn't want to be with just like her mother's current situation.

She took small, cautious steps form towards her father. When she neared him she keeled down to sit on the floor beside the throne. She reached out and took his large hand into both of her own. She affectionately kissed the top of his hand before pressing it against her cheek. She felt him move his fingers a little to caress her cheek gently. "I'm not doing this to fight against you like a rebellious child. He may seem rather course and unrefined in your eyes but I see a different side of him that you don't see. He makes me happy father."

She could hear his heavy sigh, and she peered back up at him. She could feel his fingers pressing softly against her cheek before he spoke with a tired tone. "Not really left with a choice am I?" She smiled weakly at him. "Go home. I'll come visit you soon, you shouldn't travel as often now."

 "Thank you." She released his hand and got to her feet. Aran walked towards Taran, kneeling back down to meet his eyes level smiling weaker than she did towards her father. She could see some of the bruises swelling on his face from the damage he had taken, his thick mass of hair wild and untamed. There were still traces of blood dried along his skin that made her heart clench in worry. But his dark, golden orbs lost the surprise element and now reflected a mixture of emotions; awe, endearment, uncertainty and amongst many others."Let's go home," she murmured feeling tired herself.

She helped lift him back to his feet. He reached out, grasping one of her hands as she led them out of the throne room without another spare glance towards her male kin. Out in the safety of the hallway though he stopped her, twisting her around to face him. "Are you really...?" He trailed off as if the final word was forbidden to say.

Hesitantly, she nodded. "It's why I came out here... many of the healers that have worked under my father have known me since I was little. I thought they would be the best to see why I've been so sick lately. I... I just found out before I heard that father had summoned your presence."

A grin broke out on his face as he picked her up in delight. She laughed lightly as her arms automatically wrapped around her neck. She could feel herself relax, worry ebbing away. She was nervous about telling him and in no way planning on revealing that piece of information so soon let alone in that situation. But he was happy, and she felt happy as well and she decided that was all that mattered.

To My Dearest:

If you are reading this know that I love you and that being apart from you hurts more than you can imagine.

I still remember the day I saw you again, after all these years you stood there right before my eyes. Your smile still as bright as the sun just as I remembered but even brighter still. I could hardly believe that fate had brought us to cross paths again. Even though this time around you can not see me, it didn't matter at all to me. All I could do was watch you live this new life with such fascination and with my sister no less. I laughed in disbelief that day I saw you, the world had given me a blessing.

Just watching you was enough. But when my sister opened the door for you to enter this world, I was suddenly scared and excited. Would you end up remembering? Would you end up hating me? What will happen? Will anything happen? So many questions that it tore me apart. I had to keep my distance, to protect us both. But I should have known better, there was no possible way that I could keep myself away from you. You are like a star in the night sky, I can only watch from far away and no matter how much I reach for you, you are always out of reach.

It's frustrating. I know that you understand the feeling of this frustration: of yearning for something so much but it is an impossible desire that can not be achieved through any normal means. No matter how hard we may work, tears we cry, or hours we may sit praying; the chances are nearly impossible. It hurts that I can not comfort you, to not able wrap my arms around you to shield you from this world that has chosen to be so cruel to you. To wipe away any of your tears or share any laughter when happiness does shine upon you like sunlight.

Honestly, I wish that you didn't make the deal with him for my sister's birthday. In my mind it was entirely unfair that they shared such a rare opportunity and yet I could not do the same with you. At the same time though, it is my fault to passing up the opportunity too. She offered you know? Despite not knowing if it was even possible, she offered herself so that you and I could have the same chance. But... I was a coward. I was scared that I would hurt you in more ways that I have all ready that I couldn't bring myself to say yes. I regret that decision so much... I can't even begin to describe it. Are you mad that I chose not to?

I'm so sorry that I had to leave you alone my love. Every moment I wish that I could just come back to your side and give you what little comfort that I can. I know you are hurt, I know you are sad, I know that you are angry. I ask that you just hold on tightly to life with everything you can, push through it like you always have because I am supporting you even if it is far away.  Because at the end of all this, I promise you that it'll be worth it. I am not sure how or what will happen but I will believe that something good will be at the end of all this. It might be years from now or maybe in a day, I can not say.

I still can not say when I will be back. All I can say that I'm searching for something over here on this side of the world and I wanted to let you know that I am okay while I had this opportunity. That I constantly think of you and count the days that I can return with our son.

I also wanted to say that I love you. I don't say it enough, at all actually, but I've realized that I need to say it more and that I shouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks. You need to know this and remember it well. Let it be your strength to know that you are treasured beyond anything this world, either of these worlds can ever offer. To know that I've never loved anyone but you all the centuries of living. I love you. I. Love. You.

Please hang on for you and me. I want to come back to your smile because that's what gets me through the days.

I love you with all my heart my dearest. Please remember that.

Sincerely,
Your Prince

Dear Child

He is no longer here; though I know he's been here within the last few hours.  I tentatively stepped down into the clear pound with my bare feet not caring that the white dress, the one I adorn every time I step into the realm, was getting wet. I reach out and lightly touch Wynn's white trunk feeling the smoothed out surface. "He's no longer here, is he?" I inquired glancing up at the branches.

"Yes."

"I was hoping to talking to him. I want to meet him," I sighed leaning forward and resting part of my temple against Wynn. He was like a ghost, close by, observing, but never seen and always one step ahead of everyone. But today I could feel his call, the undeniably pull to come to this sacred place. Unfortunately, I had to resist the call with much difficulty to avoid causing trouble at my job.

"Try calling for him."

I gave Wynn a blank, unamused look. "I don't even know his name. How can I possibly call him?"

"Just try."

I sighed heavily pulling away from the great oak tree. Closing my eyes I inhale deeply trying to figure out what to do exactly. Instead of calling out a name, I gathered up my energy inside thinking of a ball of light inside of me that eventually exploded sending out ways of light. I focused on the feeling and emotions I often received when thinking of him.

"You don't have to call so loudly child."

I felt my heart leap in my chest, I spun around quickly to see the one I've been searching for standing there as if he's been there all along. He easily stepped into the water without a second thought and takes his place next to me. He is focused on Wynn and reached out a hand, resting it flatly against the trunk for a few moments.

I remain silent watching every movement he made, feeling absolutely flustered. His voice was quiet, smooth and gentle but it struck a cord in my very being, within my soul. The moment he spoke, I felt drawn to him and undeniable pull to the point where I just want to inhale his very essence to ease my yearning. It was nothing sexual, this desire, it was --is-- something pure, something indescribable.

As I expected, standing next to him I could just sense how incredibly young I was in comparison to him. I do not mean in the physical sense but through the soul. He felt old despite his physical appearance. He stood much taller than myself by at least two feet, skin like alabaster. Straight, soft white locks fell from the top of his head with half of it pulled up into a pony tail with the rest cascaded down his back towards the ground. His eyes were so beautiful, they were a dark blue but the blue that you would see when night was creeping into the sky when the sun was setting. It felt like a soft, ethereal glow to him just like the moon reflected in the night sky.

"You've been wanting to meet me?" His voice snapped me back into focus. I nodded nervously and he gave a small, gentle smile. "Come, walk with me." He stepped out of the pound and held out a hand for me to take. I slipped my hand into his and he helps me out of the water before we start walking side by side.

The thought of walking somewhere else instantly strikes nervousness in me which he noted almost immediately. "Is something the matter child?"

I do not mind that he calls me a child, I understand in his eyes that I am a very young child. "I've never explored further than where Wynn resides," I admitted, feeling embarrassed for my nervous behavior. However, he does not seem to mind it. Instead he questioned me in a different topic.

"Wynn is the name you gave the oak?"

I nod, instantly feeling the need to explain my reasoning for choosing the name. He listened silently, nodding his head in an understanding manner before commenting his like for the name. Hesitantly, I requested his name for which he sighed softly. "I had a name one but it has long been lost in time. No one uses my name anymore therefore I no longer needed my name."

We reach the destination he guided us to. It's a small cliff that looks upon a large waterfall with the full moon hovering high in the sky. Instantly I could feel my spirit soar at the beautiful sight, reaching high up trying to touch the moon. I could not hold back a bright smile at the sight. There are a few moments of silence before I return to the previous topic. "Do you not have any immediate family anymore to use your name?"

"No.Though I have many descendants the line has extended to far for anyone to remember. Many of siblings are no longer around and there are few that carry my bloodline strongly."

"Since bloodline is not enough," He turns his head, eyes focused upon me indicating that he is listening. "Though many have your bloodline, not many have the draw, or association to the moon?"

"Correct." He reached out and smoothed back by bangs, running his hand down through my hair. The action reminded me of a parent endearingly touching their child out of love. "It's been a long time since I met any of my descendants who fit that category."

"Did I ever meet you when I was... well, in my first life?"

A light shake of his head came in pair with his response. "No."

"Did you ever meet my mother? My first mother?" I added on quickly, correcting my previous statement by adding more detail.

"Only once. She may have my bloodline and does have that moon association, it is no where near as strong as yours. When I met her, I had advised her to give present the Moon Court to you."

I blinked in surprised, no where expecting that answer from him. "You were the one who advised her to do that?" I always knew that mother was the one to name me to take upon Moon Court but I had always wondered why me especially when I was so young.

"It was I child. You were the best choice to take up the role even though it wouldn't be until you were older."

"What about Ciar?" As much as I hated Cair with every fiber of my being, he was still strongly associated with the moon like I was. He was still of the same bloodline as mine though not as directly, he was still a descendant of this man I stood next to.

"Ciar." The tone of voice was one of obvious disdain, as if the name left a bad taste in his mouth. "He let power and desire cloud his head and went insane because of it. The fool falling in love with a star." As soon as the emotion of hatred had came, it disappeared with a sigh. "However, insanity is also apart of our line unfortunately. Many of my siblings fell to the power of the mind, wrapped up in their selfish desires whether it was to be loved or control of absolute power. After all, your word for lunatic has its roots to the word for moon."

"I have lived for a long time child. I have seen the world change many times, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. I may be old, but I do not regret living. I do not wish to fade away from existence as many assume from those who are immortal. There is still something new to see with each passing age." He glanced down at me, a small smile upon his features again. He reaches out and smoothed back my hair again before caressing my cheek. "I am glad that there is still hope for my line."

"For now, sleep. I can feel you fading away from this place."

"Can I meet you again?" I requested, a little afraid that this was my one and only time of speaking to him. He paused before agreeing, saying that he would like to see me again. "Is there a name I can call you?"

"No. I do not have a name for you to call me, however, you can give me a name. Like you have given Wynn a name."

With that I slip away into the darkness of unconsciousness.

Just Let Go

"Let go."

Uriel's repeated words echoed in my head. It was not like a chant but the moment my mind started to draw away from the topic his words smoothly cut through any distracting thoughts. Just like all our previous meetings, it is always the same message: "You have to let go."

Music is not the method for me. His last attempt did conclude with me relaxing more but no where to the depth that he wants me to be.

To absolutly let go and to lose myself is a huge obstacle that I can not seem to climb over. I'm standing at the line where if I step over there would a flood gate of opportunities and abilities that I would have access to. I can feel the knowledge that hovers behind the line but it's the line that I can not cross no matter how much I try to force myself. I have to be in control; despite how easy going I can be with other people when it comes to myself I will not allow anything to move me only if I wish it. If there's something I want to do, I will do it: I make the decisions when it's about me.

I'm scared.

Every time I come to this topic I can feel the desire to move from this spot and push forward, however, I'm scared to make the drop. The rare moments I begin slip away from my control there is a sudden realization that I am doing so and I snap back in a tight grip. My heart is always racing and I can feel the fear.

Why? Why is it so hard to do something that everyone seems to grasp so easily?

"The world won't shatter if you let go."

But it will. There's a sudden realization of why I am so afraid to just let go. It's because I am afraid of the truth that I may find. That truth could shatter my entire world that I've come to terms with the last two years.

The words just pour out of my mouth, "I am afraid. I am afraid that everything I know, everything I learned and felt these past two years are not real. Not that these entities are noy real, I have no doubt with that truth. I am afraid that these relationships that I've re-created with my family is fake. I'm afraid that this person that I've apparently loved throughout my lives just created this elaborate storyline and fed me all these lies in order to entertain himself. And I'm hating myself for doubting him like this. I have hard proof from when he's channeled, my friends assuring with a level of amazement of how much he cares, these memories, all the days and nights where I call for his comfort and never hesitates to give it. But there is that what if.

I'm terrified that all this is lie."

I can feel as these words escape my mouth, Taran's entire body language changing beside me. I can feel the sudden surprise but also that he's taking in every single word I say, processing it. I know what I say hurts him, to have this doubt in him when he clearly does not a single strand of doubt in me. At the same time, he seems to understand and mules over the information I've given.

I just want to step off the edge, I do want to let go but the fear is holding me back.

"It's all right to let go. I will always be here to catch you." Despite my hurtful doubts, he still is here unwavering. How can he be this strong and unafraid?

I stare at the edge, the line, the wall. Please, I beg in my mind to whoever is listening, Don't let my world shatter.